The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture

This chapter looks at the main obstacles to the process of healing. These, according to Maté, are guilt, self-loathing, self-rejection, and self-destructive impulses. There is also the denial or blocking out of emotional memory and pain. Such obstacles are more than just beliefs, existing as “clusters of related mental processes” (430), including memories and emotions. According to Maté, the way we should deal with these blocks is not by resisting them. Rather we must rest with them, accepting and understanding them for what they are, namely psychic defense mechanisms. By doing this, we can turn them from “foes to friends” (431). Rather than banishing them from ourselves, we learn that they can be reallocated to a healthier role in our psyche. For example, remorse for misjudged actions can be healthy as it leads to self-knowledge and change. However, healthy remorse can become ossified into unhealthy and unproductive guilt. In this case, we heal not by denying guilt-like feelings, but by acknowledging their original function and trying to realign them in accordance with that function.