Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

“We’ve all heard that analogy from airplane-safety language: ‘Put on your oxygen mask first before helping others.’ Simple, right? Nope. Neglecting self-care is the first thing to happen when we get caught up in our desire to help others.”

Tawwab argues that forgetting to care for oneself is typical of people who lack boundaries. While this can come from a noble “desire to help others,” Tawwab emphasizes the long-term consequences of giving too much to others and not enough to oneself. This also introduces the theme The Relationship Between Self-Care and Boundaries.

“Verbally communicating your needs is step one. People cannot accurately assume your boundaries based on your body language or unspoken expectations. When you explicitly state what you expect, there is little room for others to misinterpret what works for you.”

Tawwab advises the reader to always clearly verbalize their boundaries, rather than hoping people will guess what they are. While this kind of explicit communication is more socially uncomfortable, Tawwab insists that it will save everyone in the relationship from frustration in the long-term.

“Burnout is overwhelming, and boundaries are the cure. Burnout happens when people become emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted [...] In many cases, like Erica’s, it leads to chronic frustration, neglect in duties, moodiness, and avoidance.”

Tawwab explains how taking on too many tasks and responsibilities can lead to “burnout,” in which people feel too exhausted to function in everyday life. She cites one client who worked full-time in addition to being a single mother; the client eventually became overwhelmed and discouraged at not being able to excel at her many tasks. By realizing the emotional roots of her problem, Erica was able to ask for help from friends and professionals to lighten her load.