Everything We Never Said

Everything We Never Said (2024) is a dark romance thriller for young adult audiences and is Sloan Harlow’s first novel. It tells the story of Ella Graham, a high school senior whose best friend, Hayley Miller, died in a car accident several months before. Ella was driving, but she cannot remember the accident, and she has internalized significant guilt as a result. She seeks support from her school counselor, Mr. Wilkens, and develops feelings for Hayley’s old boyfriend, Sawyer Hawkins, which only increases her guilt and confusion when she finds Hayley’s diary and suspects that Sawyer is the abusive “S” about whom Hayley writes. The novel identifies the importance of acknowledging and processing one’s feelings—no matter how shameful or embarrassing—in order to heal. These feelings include the anger created by abuse, which, when repressed, only encourages the continuation of its cycle. The characters’ experiences also demonstrate the uselessness of guilt, a feeling that empowers abusers and heightens the challenges of working through one’s pain.

This guide refers to the 2024 Alloy Entertainment LLC paperback edition.

Content Warning: The source text and this guide discuss death from a car accident, an illegal relationship between an adult and minor, domestic violence and abuse, emotional abuse, and abortion.

Plot Summary

Ella is a high school senior whose best friend, Hayley, died in a car accident four months ago. Ella was driving, but she cannot remember the day of the accident. On the first day of school after the accident, she sees Sawyer, Hayley’s old boyfriend, and he looks furious. Ella is distracted by thoughts of Hayley all day. When a bus barrels toward her outside the school, Sawyer pushes her out of its path. He yells at her to be careful, and she asks why he bothered saving her. Hayley’s body was never found, as she was ejected through the windshield and into the ravine below. Ella believes that the accident was her fault and also feels guilty about her mother’s disappointment in her. When Mr. Wilkens, the school counselor, holds group sessions, he tries to compel Ella to speak about her feelings, but Sawyer stops him. Sawyer wants to protect Ella, and he feels a lot of anger, though it’s not clear why. He has feelings for Ella but isn’t sure if that’s appropriate. One day, Hayley’s mom, Phoebe, asks Ella to come over and help her pack Hayley’s things. Phoebe is back together with her ex-boyfriend, Sean, whom Hayley disliked. Ella finds and keeps Hayley’s diary.

At school, Ella takes the diary to the bleachers, but before she opens it, Sawyer arrives. Ella can no longer deny that she likes him. When they almost kiss, Sawyer runs home, trying to evade his own feelings. His mother, who has multiple jobs to support Sawyer and his brother, Callan, serves dinner and then leaves for work. Sawyer tries to bury his feelings for Ella, but she thinks that Sawyer sees her as just a friend. Seema Patel, an old friend of Ella’s, reaches out, and they renew their friendship, partnering in gym class. Scott, a friend of Hayley’s, torments Ella about her role in Hayley’s death, and Ella hides in the library to read Hayley’s journal. Hayley writes about the beginning of her relationship with “S”—referring to others by initial alone—and how he made her feel protected, safe, and special. Their physical attraction was undeniable.

Ella and Seema are lifeguards at the YMCA, and Sean is working on the building’s electrical system. One day, after Seema leaves, Ella is alone in the locker room. She thinks about Hayley’s erratic behavior during her last few months. She knows that Sawyer understood Hayley’s home life much better than Ella could. Just then, the lights go out, and Sean grabs Ella, telling her not to move. She tries to pull away before she realizes that he saved her from electrocution by some exposed live wires. He openly ogles at her, and she runs to the bus stop. Sawyer drives by, offering Ella a ride; she accepts, hoping to avoid Sean. She explains that Sean makes her uncomfortable, and Sawyer reveals that Hayley hated him and that Sean would wait outside when Hayley took a shower so that he could see her in a towel. He thinks that there may be more that Hayley never shared. Sawyer’s headlights prompt a small flashback, and Ella is eager to remember more, but Sawyer discourages her. He thinks that she would “hate him” if she knew what he is hiding, but he realizes that he can’t stay away from Ella. Sawyer and Ella begin texting, and she remembers Hayley saying that she wanted to break up with him and how Hayley pulled away from him before her death. She talks to Mr. Wilkens about her feelings. When they leave his office, Scott says something nasty to Ella, and she notices Sawyer watching, furious. He ignores several of Ella’s texts, and she confronts him. They argue, and he pulls her into an empty classroom. They end up kissing and confessing how much they have longed for one another.

Later, Sawyer recalls the guilt and anger that he felt when he saw Ella with Mr. Wilkens. After school, he and Ella make out in his car. The next day, Ella tells Seema that she’s been seeing Sawyer, and Seema says that Hayley would want her to be happy. Seema confesses that it hurt when Ella started hanging out with Hayley and abandoned her. That night, when Ella goes to bed, Sawyer emerges from her closet, having climbed the trellis to her room. They kiss until they hear footsteps, and the moment passes. In Hayley’s next entry, she writes about how “S” becomes jealous, possessive, and controlling. He is angered when she makes plans with Ella and smashes a cup against the wall. Hayley feels guilty for making “S” so angry and remembers that her father left because she wasn’t “enough.” She begs “S” not to go, and he stays; she believes that he’s a good man, one who loves her, because of this. Ella assumes that the “S” in Hayley’s diary is Sawyer and cannot reconcile her Sawyer with Hayley’s, feeling guilty about their growing intimacy. That night, they sneak into the YMCA and make out in the pool. When the night janitor gets close, however, Sawyer grabs Ella, putting his hand over her mouth to quiet her. It scares her, and it heightens her arousal, especially when she realizes that he was protecting her. On his way home, Sawyer buys a toy car for Callan. When his mother tells him that she didn’t get the new job she hoped for, Sawyer becomes enraged, breaking the toy. Callan gets scared, and their mother accidentally calls Sawyer by his abusive father’s name.

Ella has another flashback, remembering Hayley screaming to drive faster and unbuckling her seatbelt. She believes Hayley, but she also trusts her gut, and Sawyer doesn’t seem capable of scaring Hayley like that. In her diary, Hayley rationalizes “S’s” anger, writing about the abuse he suffered from his father. Then, she describes a night when “S” thought she flirted with someone else and he hit her. She feels ashamed. Ella confides in Mr. Wilkens about Hayley’s diary and says that Sawyer was abusing Hayley. He gives her his phone number and tells her to call him anytime. He promises to look into whether the diary can be used to prosecute Sawyer.

Ella wants “proof” that Sawyer could act the way that Hayley describes, so she agrees to do the fall festival corn maze with him. At one point, Sawyer reaches for her, and she flinches. Seeing his horror, she says that it’s not his fault after the abuse he endured from his father. He wants to know how she found out, suggesting that Hayley told her, but she blurts out that she read it. He yells at her for going to Mr. Wilkens, telling her to talk to him instead. His behavior scares her, and she runs. Hayley’s next entry reveals the way “S” blames his father for his emotional damage. She feels guilty, knowing that he’s trying to be better, but she experiences a terrible sense of dread. Sawyer texts Ella an apology, but she avoids him and calls Mr. Wilkens from a park. He meets her, and they go for a walk, accidentally nearing the scene of the accident. Ella has another flashback—Hayley screaming that “he” was going to kill them—and she concludes that “he” is Sawyer. Hayley’s next entry reveals that she is pregnant. She knows that “S” won’t allow her to get an abortion; she worries that he will either use the pregnancy to control her or will become jealous of the baby for taking away her attention.

Ella tells Seema that she’s been reading Hayley’s diary, and Seema gets angry. Seema tells Ella that she’s being a bad friend, and Ella is gripped by guilt. They argue, and Seema storms out. That night, Ella is woken up by her cat growling, and she sees a figure in the dark. When she screams, the person escapes out her window. The intruder has torn apart her room, likely looking for something. When the police arrive, she tells them that it was Sawyer. He is questioned by the police, shocked to learn about Hayley’s diary. When he can, he texts Ella to make sure that she’s with her parents. The police arrest him, and Sawyer demands a phone call. Ella calls Mr. Wilkens, who comes to pick her up. She texts Sawyer, telling him that she’s safe with the counselor, and then blocks him. Mr. Wilkens takes Ella to his house, and she learns that he goes by his middle name, Sam, which starts with “S.” She sees his bee hydration stations, exactly like Hayley’s, and she notices the scuff on his bumper. Suddenly, he knocks her out, and she wakes up in his basement, wrists and ankles bound. He cries, explaining that he loved Hayley, and Ella grows furious, accusing him of murder. A figure sneaks down the stairs behind him, hitting him over the head with a baseball bat. It’s Hayley.

Hayley doesn’t have time to explain everything because the police are on their way, but she frees Ella, giving her the pocketknife and telling her to tell the police that it’s her own. Then, she wipes her prints off the bat and gives it to Ella. She slips a note into Ella’s sock, confirms that Ella understands, and then leaves. Hayley’s note explains everything—how Sam began stalking her and why she faked her death with Sawyer’s help. She goes by “Hazel” now and lives in a women’s shelter. She got an abortion and goes to therapy to deal with her shame and guilt. In the hospital, Ella’s parents apologize for alienating her, and she and Seema make up. Ella realizes that she’s no longer like a helpless “baby bird” anymore. Sawyer is released, and he has a long talk with his mom about his fear that he’ll become his father; she explains that he has a choice and that it will take work and commitment to process his anger healthily. He visits Ella, who is glad to see him, and they stay up all night talking. They resume their relationship, and Ella realizes that she no longer fears the future.