Be a Perfect Person in Just Three Days!

Back in his bedroom, Milo opens “DAY 3” of Dr. Silverfish’s book: “TAKE THE LAST STEP TO PERFECTION!” (41). Before explaining the final task, Dr. Silverfish congratulates the reader on completing step two: Going a whole day without eating shows immense willpower. After joking that the final task is to steal a gorilla from the nearest zoo, Dr. Silverfish tells the reader that the actual final step is to do nothing for 24 hours: “Don’t do a single thing for the next twenty-four hours. Sit! Think. Relax” (43). It is only acceptable to go to the bathroom, slowly sip weak tea, and breathe.

Milo remembers that he has a baseball game the following day. Milo enjoys baseball, even though he is not particularly good at it, but he decides to skip the game. Becoming perfect is more important. While thinking about baseball, Milo notices that he is tapping his fingers, so he stops and thinks about doing nothing. His father brings him a jar of weak tea and a “Do Not Disturb” sign for his door (46). Milo thinks about all the advantages he’ll have once he is perfect, like no more school and pitching the perfect ball.

Milo runs out of things to think about after half an hour.