Be a Perfect Person in Just Three Days!

Middle schooler Milo Crinkley is in the library when a book titled Be a Perfect Person in Just Three Days! falls off the top shelf and hits him on the head. On the back of the book is a photo of the book’s author, Dr. K. Pinkerton Silverfish, who is pictured eating a mustard-dripping hot dog while wearing baggy pants, a Hawaiian shirt, half a bow tie, one mitten, and a clown nose. The first paragraph echoes Milo’s thoughts—how can someone who looks so “stupid” teach anyone how to be perfect? The next paragraph intrigues Milo: “Well, maybe I'm not as stupid as I look. After all, I guessed what you were thinking, didn't I? You have just learned the first lesson in perfection. Things are not always what they seem” (7). Milo turns the page and reads chapter two, which simply tells him to turn the page. Chapter three congratulates Milo on following instructions and warns him not to skip to the end, instead telling him to read one chapter each evening for the next three days. Milo has a strong urge to skip to the last page, so he does. The last page screams, “BOY, ARE YOU DUMB!” (9) but gives the reader one more chance for perfection, sending them back to the beginning.